Insomnia

It’s frustrating – when I want to go to sleep my mind starts racing and when I need to stay awake my eyes get droopy. My intense school schedule has intervened with my sleep schedule. I guess staying up all hours of the night restless with anxiety of how mid-terms are going to pan out can put my body into stress mode. On top of that, I have had deal with the dogs trying to sleep on the bed with me and barking at who knows what all hours of the night. Then I got to get up at 4:30 am these past two days to finalize my reviewing, feed the dogs, get ready for the day, pack a lunch, and head off to my 7:00 am exams and lecture-filled day. By the time my afternoon class starts I am zoned out and clueless to what the professor is discussing. That just puts me behind because then I have to find time to read over another 100-150 slides before the next lecture. Oh, what a delight to be in school again. I’m looking forward to spending my 4th of July out by the pool with my books and laptop. Hopefully I’ll break away for a bit to visit JP, MA, and Max. It’s always nice to see them. They are a much needed distraction! I went country dancing tonight. I love the dancing and dislike the dating drama. It is still hard for me to see Steve. And apparently he’s moved on, just like that. How guys do it? I don’t know. Trust me, if I did know, I’d be doing it too! I guess these are a lot of thoughts that start floating through my brain when I am trying to fall asleep. I have plenty of things on my mind and feelings in my heart, but it all comes down to me just accepting that we’re not ever going to be together. Even with all the hoping and praying and wishing, I really don’t want him to come back to me. Ok, I do, but at the same time I don’t. It is just hard to see him move forward in life when I don’t have anyone that I am slightly interested in dating once, let alone seriously. I do hope he is happy, though. He is an amazing guy with all sorts of potential who deserves to find the best in life. But it’s a good thing my calling in life right now is to be focused on school. What a blessing to have school as a distraction. I’d be so distraught if my mind wasn’t concentrating on more important matters of my future. Logically I know it’s for the best, but emotionally it will just take me time to move forward. One day at a time. On a lighter note, I have finished two mid-terms and one pop quiz this week. I have only one more mid-term and a group discussion/project for this week. Wow! It’s amazing how fast the weeks fly by, but at the same time I feel consumed with the vast overload of knowledge I am learning. In one week for each class we cover as much information as I did in undergrad for a month. That is a lot of things to remember. Pretty much my mid-terms were like a comprehensive semester final. It will be nice to sleep in tomorrow. That is, if the dogs let me. Every morning they poke there head over my bed and start jabbing me with their paws. It’s cute, but at the same time annoying. I want my sleep especially since I have insomnia these days. I am about tired, so I am putting my computer to sleep. Happy 4th!