Thoughts…

The circle of life…the plan of happiness…death…eternity…what does it really encompass and why is its understanding so crucial? I think I am a logical thinker. I need structure in my life…so I can understand why things work they way they do, how to solve problems, and find a sense of peace. I think that is one reason why I love medicine. I am learning how to piece a puzzle together to solve an issue, or know what road to take when presented with certain triggers. It is amazing how a life altering experience can open your eyes to what you value, why you cherish it, and how you are going to realign your life to these principles that matter most to you. These past couple weeks have hard weeks! Cancer is something I learn about every day, in every class, almost every hour…if only in a passing comment. It was just something I learned about: the physiology behind it, the duration/symptoms, metastasis, and prognosis. These were all concepts that floated out there. How to really deal with it? That was another whole ball game. Now I am on the side lines. Watching/hearing about my dads experience is much more difficult that I could have ever imagined. I can’t do anything to stop the progression of the disease or help with the anxiety and fear of the unknown. My first reaction to the news was as a healthcare provider: What exactly does that mean? It’s spread? Where to? How long have the symptoms been occurring? What tests were done? What options did the doctor give? What are the stats? As the reality of the situation sunk in, my heart ached. This can’t be happening to my dad. The thought of death seems so gloomy and sad. I hate not having control. What to do now? How do I help? This news has brought my family together, more than ever. We have always been a pretty close family. We have enjoyed many trips together, dinners and games, chatting it up, hiking, reading stories, or all just napping on the floor! It has made me stop and really think about a few things. As I have talked with my family and my dad, it is amazing how much my dad has picked each of us up. We all have our fears and worries and here we are calling dad to reassure us. At least, I know I have been! As I listen to my dad counsel, strength, and hope in the gospel, my heart is softened. This is a challenge for my family to face right now. As I study and ponder, my understanding is geared towards a bigger picture and my heart is comforted. I am truly blessed. There are days when I don’t recognize it or accept it, but I know I am. Not only have I been raised and taught by wonderful parents, but I have the gospel! Listening to others experiences and understanding what is important to me has given me more comfort to what the future will hold. I am constantly thinking about that quote by President Hinckley about: “can’t change the past, or control the future, thus, learn to enjoy the present.” This trial has given me the opportunity to reflect on my beliefs, learn to enjoy the present moment, and move forward with faith. My insight and determination to follow true gospel principles have been strengthened by the support, love, and friendship shown me. The plan of salvation is all about eternity and family. This life is just a small portion of what is!