journal entry

January 29, 2008

 

Today has been a super crazy emotional day for me and the family.  We just found out that dad has pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to the lungs.  The prognosis for this type of cancer isn’t good.  Only five percent have a five year survival rate.  Majority die within one year of Dx.  The parents are going in to the oncologist on Friday and more will be determined there, but it doesn’t look so good.  It’s hard to think that my dad could even die.  I just thought they’d both be around forever.  And maybe it’ll be a miracle.

 

At first I was just like no way, my dad?  Then as I did more research, my heart sunk and my emotions kicked in.  I ended up going out to JP and MA’s for a couple hours with Rachel.  It was nice to just talk about things with them.  What will my mom do? 

 

I’m trying to remember good things: dad reading stories over Christmas or anytime for that matter (one of my favorites), talking about relationships and listening to me banter about my life, four-wheeling at the sand dunes and at Spencers, long drives to WA and CA and Canada, ice cream daddy daughter dates, watching him play with the grandkids, always helping me with finances and budgeting, being a faithful latter-day saint, teaching Sunday School, always reading his scriptures, playing the piano for him, dutch oven cooking, playing phase 10 and scrabble, long walks, camping/biking, The Loft trips, Thanksgiving in Sedona (hiking, eating, talking, window shopping)

 

If I could tell my dad anything I would want him to know that I love him and I hope that I have done some good in my life to please him.  Dad is such a serving, caring, thoughtful man.  I can’t imagine life without him here. 

 

Life is never going to get easier.  I know life will continue to move forward.

 

It was good to spend some time at JPs and just reminisce for a while, and to feel their love as we all go through this together.  I know this is going to be a challenging time for my family, but it will also be a time to bring us together.  I need to remember what my priorities are in this life!  And never let my goals in life be compromised.  I need to strengthen my testimony of the Savior, build my family relationships, be loving and kind to everyone (you never know what people are going through), help others feel of the Savior’s love.  Hope in the Savior!

 

WHAT CANCER CAN NOT DO:

Cancer is so limited ...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit.